


Sometimes family is raccoons

by Tangerinetoad



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Animals, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Magic, Crack Treated Seriously, Cussing, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Found Family, Gen, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Its tommy, No Angst, everyone is a raccoon except for Tommy?, god how do i tag this, i have typed the word raccoon more in this fic than in my entire life, magic raccoons, raccoons - Freeform, we ain't even in a canon to diverge from lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:55:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29036577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tangerinetoad/pseuds/Tangerinetoad
Summary: Tommy moved to a new house to get away. Instead, he is now friends with very colorful magic raccoons. Life is strange sometimes.
Relationships: TommyInnit & A Bunch of Raccoons, all platonic bith
Comments: 16
Kudos: 114





	Sometimes family is raccoons

**Author's Note:**

> Idk what my life is, I found a playlist called Chess Game With Raccoons and then I wrote this. The playlist is 24 hrs long. Enjoy?
> 
> This is completely unconnected to my other series, if that wasn't clear 
> 
> TW// Non-graphic description of an injury and mentioned stitches.

Ever since Tommy had moved to his new house, he’d heard weird noises at night. It was probably wild animals, but there were never any prints come morning, so he still wasn’t sure what kind of animal it could be. Which led to right now.  
  
Tommy, watching his door, very confused by the scratching noises something was producing from outside. Something small by the sound of it, scratching right at the base of his door. It was beginning to drive him a little crazy. Only one way to find what it was.  
  
Tommy opened the door and made very startled eye contact with a.. green raccoon?  
  
“What the actual fuck..” he whispered, staying very still.  
  
The green raccoon (Seriously it was like bright green) stared back at him, tilting its head. When he didn’t make any movement towards it, it chattered at him and then scurried away, leaving him to stare after it in bewilderment.  
  
After a few shocked seconds of just standing there, Tommy closed the door and turned his back to it, sliding down till he was sitting against it. Head in his hands, he contemplated every decision that led him to think living next to a creepy forest was a good idea.  
  
Maybe this was just a one time hallucination brought on by living alone?

\--

  
It was not. Tommy could tell, because he was now looking at not only a bright green raccoon, but also a pink one, and a yellow one, and a small brown one. At least the brown one was sort of normal looking.

They hadn’t noticed him yet, as they seemed to be in the middle of a fearsome battle. By that he meant the pink one had the green one pinned with a foot on its face, making a throaty growl as though proclaiming victory. Before Tommy’s eyes, the yellow one and brown one clapped.

With their tiny raccoon paws.

God, he was clearly going insane.

Tommy rubbed his eyes, hard, hoping that when he looked again they’d be gone. Instead, when he lowered his hands, they were all staring straight at him. Pinkie had let Green up, and was now standing defensively in front of Yellow and Brown, doing the growl thing again.

“How is this my life.. Ok look freaky raccoons, I dunno if someone spilled dye on you or what, but I’m just here to dig up some carrots, so uh, I’ll be on my way and you guys can keep fighting or whatever.”

He slowly began to edge his way around them, keeping his body turned towards them as he did.

“Lovely weather we’ve been having aye?” he facepalmed. “Why am I talking to the raccoons.”

The brown raccoon made a high pitched chirping sound, almost like it was laughing at him. Tommy briefly wondered if he’d been cursed with judgmental wildlife. He knew that whole cucumber fiasco would come back to bite him one day.

“Yeah.. I’m just gonna go now.” Tommy told them, speeding up to reach the carrots and steadfastly ignoring the furry creatures watching.

When he looked back, they had all disappeared. Strangely, he couldn’t see any pawprints where they’d been standing. He wasn’t gonna think too hard about that though. So many carrots to keep his attention on. Definitely not thinking about the mystery raccoons with no prints.

The next few days were filled with house chores, as Tommy had been putting off on spring cleaning. It wasn’t like he even had any guests, so who cared if everything had dust on it?

Turns out, his nose did care, quite a lot apparently, if the constant sneezing was any indication. So now he was airing the house out, windows all thrown open, rugs hanging over his porch railing. Currently, Tommy was hanging clothing lines, stretched from his porch to the nearest trees. He didn’t have many clothes, so he usually just hung them to dry over the fire, but now he needed somewhere to hang his bedding. Hence the clothing lines.

The raccoons, which he’d been referring to as ‘The Gang’ in his head, had made an appearance already, sitting at the edge of the woods and observing. It was the same ones as last time, with the addition of a large black one. He had soft green stripes on his tail, indicating that he was just as weird as the others.

Tommy had identified them all as male, after some awkward staring and consulting a couple books he’d dug out of the attic. He felt a little weird thinking of them as colors, so he’d mentally dubbed them Smiley (the green one who had a funny pattern on his back, almost like a smiley face) Anarchy (the pink one who gave him anti-government vibes, as much as a pink raccoon could) Big Dubs (the yellow one who had so far gotten the closest to him) Squeaker (the little brown one who had somehow gotten stuck in a box he’d left out) and Boss Man (the newest one, who chittered at the others like a worried parent).

They seemed to accept those names easily enough, twitching their ears when he told them each their new names. He swore Big Dubs even smiled.

He noticed that though they all sat together, Smiley was at the outskirts of their huddle, and Anarchy kept side eyeing him. So evidently there was tension among his gang of magic raccoons.

He really needed to call a psychiatrist.

Once Tommy had finished hanging the lines and his bedsheets, he spread a spare blanket out on a sunny patch of grass. The Gang, who had been wrestling, perked up as he brought out a basket, no doubt smelling the variety of food he’d packed into it. Big Dubs was the first to approach, sniffing the air as he crept closer. Tommy carefully ignored him, busying himself with unloading the basket.

He’d brought out some fresh carrots, sliced into thin strips, with some ranch as a sauce. Roasted chicken, leftover from his dinner the night before, and some baked potatoes. He wasn’t sure what raccoons ate really, but he figured the amount of carrots that had mysteriously gone missing from his garden were a hint.

For dessert, a bowl of strawberries, also from his garden, and freshly whipped cream. It was a dish that held fond memories for him, of warm summer nights, fireflies lighting up the air. He probably ate more of the fruit in his childhood garden than the pests.

Lost in those thoughts, he almost didn’t notice when Big Dubs reached the food. But a furry yellow arm was not great for stealth, and so he watched as Big Dubs snatched a carrot strip with his tiny paw. The raccoon didn’t dart away like he’d expected though, just sat on the edge of the blanket and stuffed the food into his mouth.

The others, emboldened by Big Dubs bravery, also came forwards, Boss Man going straight for the chicken, followed closely by Squeaker. Anarchy made a beeline for the potatoes, fur puffing up when Smiley tried to grab one. His ensuing angry squeak had Tommy muffling a laugh into his hand. Smiley, sulking, grabbed some carrots instead.

Big Dubs, as though showing off, took a potato from Anarchy’s pile. Anarchy did nothing. Squeaker found this as funny as Tommy did, making his chirping laugh sound again. Boss Man made a disapproving snort, then offered Smiley a piece of chicken.

Tommy watched all this in wonder, munching on his strawberries. His life was so weird.

\--

  
Two months passed in the same manor, Tommy splitting his time between gardening, his chores, and hanging out with magic raccoons. He’d been right that first time, they didn’t leave prints when they stepped. It made it very difficult to follow them into the woods. Although, they seemed to spend more time messing around in his house than in the forest these days.

That wasn’t the only thing he’d discovered about the magic raccoons though. Anarchy could hold a sword, was fascinated with them actually. He would make a particular whimper when he wanted one, and as soon as you handed it to him he’d start his deep purring sound.

Big Dubs and Squeaker were extremely cuddly. If Tommy sat down for even a second they would swarm him, Squeaker settling on his shoulders and Big Dubs curling into his elbow. He often found himself carrying them around the yard, talking about whatever came to mind. They always chattered back.

Boss Man always knew when he was feeling sad, or doing something dangerous. It was like he had a sixth sense for it. Tommy would turn and he’d be sitting there on his haunches, little arms clasped as though he was crossing them. When he was sad, Boss Man would bring him little bunches of flowers, usually with the roots still on em. It never failed to lighten his mood.

Smiley was just an evil mastermind. He managed to get into anything and everything Tommy didn’t want him in, and cause chaos. His little fingers were surprisingly nimble, and more than once he’d picked Tommy’s pocket without the boy realizing. He and Anarchy fought constantly, most of the time in a friendly way, but more than once Tommy had intervened, afraid Anarchy would seriously injure Smiley. Those kinds of fights often occurred after Smiley had stolen something from Tommy and refused to return it.

One afternoon, as Tommy was carting Big Dubs and Squeaker around, Boss Man on his heels, Smiley appeared from the woods. He seemed distressed, and the other raccoons immediately turned alert when he emerged. His fur was puffed dramatically and Tommy soon realized he was leaving a trail of blood behind him.

“Smiley! What’s wrong?! Where are you hurt?” he asked frantically, setting Big Dubs and Squeaker down so he could examine the green one.

Smiley huffed at him, avoiding his hands and tugging on his sleeve. He was insistently pointing his head towards the woods.

“Are you trying to get me to go into the woods?” Tommy tilted his head, confused. Now that he was close, Smiley didn’t appear to be bleeding anywhere. It was like he stepped in blood. “Smiley whose blood is this!?”

Predictably, the animal didn’t answer. He did start moving faster though, giving up on the tugging and simply running between Tommy and the woods, in a clear ‘follow me’. The rest of the gang caught on quickly, joining in. Anarchy had popped up out of whatever hole he’d been hiding in, still holding his sword. He started poking Tommy with the sword as soon as he figured out what was happening, looking delighted.

“Fuck, ok, I’m going! Jeez, so pushy.”

With a grumble Tommy stood, following Smiley to, hopefully, where the blood had come from. As they ventured deeper, he started to notice claw marks on the trees, low to the ground. They made little Xs, and continued in a straight line, like they were marking the way.

Tommy had not spent much time in the woods, despite his only friends being a bunch of forest animals. The trees were pretty spread out, letting plenty of light through to the ground, and occasionally he would spot deer prints. The deer were not magic evidently.

After walking for about five minutes, they reached a clearing, dotted with flowers and bees. At first Tommy didn’t see why they’d stopped, but after a second he spotted bloody footprints. They led to a furry lump, which rose and fell like it was breathing. Wait.

It was breathing! The furry lump was a raccoon, Tommy realized with a sharp inhale, approaching with soft footsteps. It was laying in a pool of blood, presumably its own, coal colored fur matted with it. As he got closer, Tommy could see that it was a male, and he had a funny line of white fur around his forehead. The blood, from what he could tell, was coming from a large gouge in his side, the edges of which were ragged. Probably from a bigger predator.

He quickly tore a strip off the bottom of his shirt, which was harder than it looked, and began tying it around the wound. The others had gathered around him at this point, mewing and chirping. Smiley was at the injured one's head, patting him gently.

Once it was as secure as Tommy could get it, he carefully picked the wounded raccoon up. He stirred a little as he was moved, but went back to unconsciousness quickly. A noise from above attracted Tommy’s attention and he glanced up, suddenly finding himself being glared at by a blue raccoon. Its mask was white instead of black, and circled its eyes like goggles. It hissed at him, but a warning snarl from Anarchy stopped it in its tracks.

Tommy did not have time to worry about new raccoons, not when one was currently bleeding out in his arms. Ignoring the blue one for now, he hurried back the way they’d come, following the claw marks. He could hear the rest behind him, scampering along.

Reaching his yard, he didn’t pause, heading straight inside. There he placed the raccoon on his table and rushed to find his medical supplies. He wasn’t sure if you could just give animals stitches, but he definitely needed them.

While he gathered stuff, the gang swarmed his table, surrounding the new one.

Supplies collected, Tommy looked down at the raccoon, sighing and snapping on some gloves.

“Now what are we gonna call you?”

\--

Panda, as Tommy ended up naming him (because of his affinity for rolling onto his back while holding his feet) proved to be a fast healer. It was probably more of the weird magic shit, but Tommy was just glad for it. The stitches had been able to come out within a few days, and Panda had thanked him by somehow setting fire to his hay pile. He hadn’t been mad for long though, with the combined power of the gang's puppy eyes.  
  
Or was it raccoon eyes?  
  
Regardless, he’d forgiven Panda pretty quickly. Panda hanging around meant that the blue raccoon, now called Gogy, also hung around, which meant that Smiley became even more of a menace. It seemed the two newcomers were his friends, which explained why he’d come around less often than Big Dubs, Boss Man, Squeaker, and Anarchy. They were a little more skittish around Tommy, but when Smiley went right up to him they followed.  
  
His little raccoon gang was growing.  
  
When he’d first moved here, he had not imagined that a group of very colorful raccoons were lurking in the woods. Tommy still hadn’t figured out the reason for their coloring, but it didn’t feel important right now. Why worry about silly mysteries when he could simply relax and cloud gaze with Big Dubs and Squeaker? Or sword fight (kind of) with Anarchy? Or garden with Boss Man, or set fire to scraps with Panda, or hide and seek with Smiley, or even climb trees with Gogy.  
  
He had his whole life ahead of him to figure out where the magic raccoons came from, and he had no doubt he would. Eventually. For now, he was gonna enjoy living next to creepy woods which housed his friends, nay, family.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope it was clear who was who, but if you need here's a list 
> 
> Smiley - Dream  
> Anarchy - Technoblade  
> Big Dubs - Wilbur  
> Squeaker - Tubbo  
> Boss Man - Phil  
> Panda - Sapnap  
> Gogy - George
> 
> Tommy would definitely name a raccoon Anarchy and Panda, don't argue with me. Other than that this whole story is ooc but i've given up at this point lmao
> 
> I tried to rip my shirt while writing this, to see if it was realistic. It is not. I guess Tommy and all fictional characters have 20+ strength. 
> 
> I have decided to commission fanart of techno as a pink raccoon and no one can stop me.
> 
> Also I think I've read another fic where they're all raccoons before? But I can't remember the name, if i do I'll put it in here cause it was good EDIT: Thanks to FrostyDragon, I now know the name "Trash pandas and trash containers" by Silvalina, it's great!


End file.
